I am taking a few days off from work, and...
Wait, I'm sorry. Did I just say, "I'm taking a few days off from work"? A few days? All in a row?
How did THAT happen?
Nonetheless, that appears to be the case, and therefore I'd like to leave with you a few words of wisdom until I return:
1) No matter how much Ray Lytle whines and begs, he is not allowed to start the morning show at 2pm.
2) Even though the city's idea of mandatory water restrictions is really more like, "Hey, would you mind only squandering our precious and limited supply of life-giving water EVERY OTHER DAY?", that's no reason why you can't take it upon yourself to decide that a brown lawn is less important than conserving a little bit of water for everyone's benefit.
3) Whether you're Dane Cook, or some anonymous beauty queen blogger, or just an average everyday schmuck -- making jokes about a major national tragedy does not make you edgy or hip. It just makes you an insensitive lout. Now there are times when it's fine to be an insensitive lout -- you can trust me on this as the voice of experience. This is not one of those times.
4) Just to recap from last week: eating at Chick-Fil-A, in and of itself -- does not make you a bad person. Posting about how you're eating at Chick-Fil-A and making sure that everyone knows that you're eating there and that you're trying to make a point by doing so -- does make you a bad person.
5) I'm really a little on edge, knowing that I'm on vacation while Mitt Romney's Global Stumblethon continues. And no matter who he offends next, I'm not coming into work during my week off. But I can take comfort in knowing that there will be plenty more where that came from, and Mitt can always buy more mouths... and more feet to put in them.
6) Wait -- so that WASN'T the Queen parachuting into London with James Bond? Dammit.
Have fun, everyone! I hope you'll enjoy my time off as much as I will. See you in a week or so!